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My brain is in a mess.

Archive for August 2008


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Finally, a lazy day. My life has been unbelievably hectic the past 2-3 weeks, since lecture was cancelled today I have a day off! I spent the entire afternoon doing nothing, the evening doing some school work and I’m probably going to spend the night doing nothing as well. Feels great. 

While looking through editorials online, I found this one, it is just so beautiful.

It’s called Wild Bird, with Freja Beha Erichsen (one of my fav models), from Numero Korea #2. Gorgeous. 

I smell my dinner, Yay for lazy days.


Written by priya.balraju

August 28, 2008 at 7:44 pm

Posted in Fashion

Talking in french

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Sometimes I feel like there is too much greatness between us.

That you are so full of life on your own.
That when you’re with me, you overflow.
There’s no space left in you for 
the greatness in me.

We are each other’s lifebuoys 
but we’re not the right size.

There are things we need to do,
emotions we need to get rid off,
loads that we need to dump, 
and it can’t be done with us together.

Are we running from the 
only real thing we’ve ever had?

As though accepting it would mean 
that we are diminished flames,
kept in cages by 
torturing winds and caps of snow. Then, yes.

But it’s not wrong.
I overflow, he overflows. 

We can only fit, when we are each the right size. 
Be it in this lifetime or the next. 
There will always be something there. 
Where there is nothing now.

I met him today, and we were surprisingly normal. Its not as though we avoided talking about what happened, because it did come up, its just that I think we know each other well enough to know the others intentions and to understand each others reactions. Its kind of good that I don’t need to explain a lot of things to him, he gets me, and I get him. Nothing’s going to happen. We’re going to stay friends.

This is like the first time I’ve told all my social circles about a problem of mine, and I realize I have a lot of friends, thanks to everyone for listening, and for giving me your two cents. I really do feel much better, much more sane, no more emo-ness. Good stuff, I’m going to sleep without weird dreams tonight. Goodnight world.

Written by priya.balraju

August 24, 2008 at 3:10 am

Posted in Love, Poetry

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I’m sorry

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There’s one thing I want to say, so I’ll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I’m not sorry I met you
I’m not sorry it’s over
I’m not sorry there’s nothing to save – Your Ex-lover is dead, Stars

That’s it baby, I’m done. As for the very emotional outburst in my last post, I’m alright lovelies, I’m alright.

Written by priya.balraju

August 20, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Posted in Love, Music

Into the night

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You may feel alone when you’re falling asleep
And every time tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you’ve yet to meet
Someday you will be loved  – Someday you will be loved, Death Cab for a Cutie

Save me from myself. 

I hate to sleep, because when I do, I dream. I know you feel as shitty as me and I hate how we’re avoiding it. I hate how I believe my head is right, till I hear you again. I hate the nights. I hate being cold. I hate how my emotions seem to be ruling everything. I hate this roller coaster. fuck. I need someone to talk to but its too fucking late to call anyone. I’m going to talk to my walls.

Written by priya.balraju

August 18, 2008 at 1:21 am

Posted in Love

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You’re amazing

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Its been a week. And I’ve hardly missed you. Its probably because for so long, there have been others for me to love. I don’t need you. It feels good saying that. I think that sudden pang of loneliness was because you wanted to leave again + bad timing + all the heavy emotions that we were talking about, so yea, I’m alright. I’m better then alright actually, I’m good. 

I started work as a Tarot card reader for the Two Queens party at Play.

Last week went really well, and if the next week goes as planned I should be doing this on the 3rd Thursday of every month. Tarot is something really really important to me, its very close to my soul. Its about getting that feeling when I do a reading that I completely understand the cards and how it relates to the other person. Its hard to explain, but its there. 

One of the guys I did a reading for asked me if I knew what the scientific explanation was for being able to tap into someone’s thoughts with a deck of cards. And I told him that I really didn’t know and that I didn’t want to know either. I hate how we need to make everything scientific. We need some mystery, some faith, some passion, if not everything just gets boring. What’s so great about the explained anyway? Figuring out the science of something does not mean that you make sense of it. 

The Faint – Forever growing centipedes

Written by priya.balraju

August 16, 2008 at 1:14 pm

Posted in Love, Tarot

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Pretty girls sink ships

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I love these girls.

Hearts on fire – Cut Copy

Written by priya.balraju

August 13, 2008 at 1:33 pm

Posted in Fashion, Favourites


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Death cab was so damn good. If you weren’t there, then you seriously missed out on the concert of the year. When they played Tiny Vessels, I had MAJOR CHILLS and when they ended the show with a PERFECT rendition of Transatlanticism I teared. I TEARED OK! Amazing stuff. Oh and Ben lost so much weight! When did he get so skinny?!??!?! Cute though, very sweaty & cute.

The past weekend was way too emo for anyone’s good, thanks love for being there (: Seriously, sometimes I wonder what I would do without my super best chigua friend. Ham ham. Lol. Ok, its Sam. 

But someone else was right too, it felt good crying. Because I actually felt something strong. I was just blogging sometime ago about how I don’t feel anything anymore. It obviously wasn’t a good kind of strong emotion, but it feels good to know that I still have a heart that functions. You know, bleeding just to know you are alive, that sort of thing.

Erotic City – Culture Prophet

Written by priya.balraju

August 13, 2008 at 1:09 am

Posted in Music

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