hello stranger.

My brain is in a mess.

We are family

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I was just reading Ade’s blog, very deep post over there, got me really thinking about family. Up till I was in poly, no one really talked to me about my family.

No one asked any questions, no one discussed their own problems. But once all the truths came out, I realized that I’m not alone in this whole fucked up family business. Nearly everyone I know has some family issues, its not as uncommon as I thought it was.

I don’t know if its stupidity or naivety that drives me, but I still believe in love. I still believe in marriage, and family and growing old together and all. Deep down in the little corners of my heart, I do want to find someone to be happy with although my entire brain tells me that its impossible. 

I guess I just really want to have a family of my own, it’s what I want more then anything else. A simple, sane family with family dinners, family holidays, and other boring family things. Because I never had any of these things. I think the horrible days of my youth will actually make me a better parent and the love I never had will be precisely the love I want to sustain. 

I know its not as simple as it sounds and all, but its the one thing that I would fight for. I’m so flighty with the things that I do, often simply doing them because I have to, not because I want to. But I would fight for love.

I’m not saying that I don’t have anything, because everything I am and everything I want to be is in a little person I call grandma, but it really would be nice  if I could do for someone what my parents never did for me. 

My mistakes were made for you – The Last Shadow Puppets

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Written by priya.balraju

November 11, 2008 at 12:56 pm

Posted in Love

Tagged with ,

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